It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
