Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
