Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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