She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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