i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
