Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How external is "for external use only"?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
