sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
