She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
