I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
