Jerry, you need to find god
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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