so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
