We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
