Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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