DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
