i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Did you just see the Batmobile???
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
