you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
