i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
