You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
