That's intense
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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