I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it glows. i had to have it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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