Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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