3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
