they need to just BURY HIM!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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