your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
