It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
