if i died would you start the facebook group?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
