I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
