There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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