I am puke
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
ugly people sure do ruin things
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
