I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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