i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
