it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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