Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
