Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
