i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
