he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's never too late to be topless.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
