Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
