im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
