so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
