just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
