my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
