Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
