Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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