dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
