I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
