She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
