new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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