the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
