I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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