i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
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