I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
