You really coming over, don't trick.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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