my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My pussy is not your playground.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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