remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
