My pussy is not your playground.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
