I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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