we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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