I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
