I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
