There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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