we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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