I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
