She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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