I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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