i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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