guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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