Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
