The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
