apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
