I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
