You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
