Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
