it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
