That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
