she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
