Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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