Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
