We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
